How NOT To Learn Martial Arts Online

YouTube is actually a great source of knowledge when it comes to martial arts, especially grappling.  The best examples are legit instructional videos posted by legit schools or fighters featuring certain techniques. Nevertheless, for every gem there are a handful of horrible videos, and what results is quite comical.

Some of our favorite videos of the latter flavor come from Phoenix Sensei Grand Master John Legrand of Lost Legacy Systems University of Mixed Martial Arts. Phew! That’s a mouthful! Couldn’t he just be called Coach at Legrand MMA? Something simple? In any case, it appears Legrand may be able to teach you how to do some katas or point sparring, but don’t ask him how to grapple. Watch after the jump and you’ll see why.

By the Gods, I’m not even thinking about that horrible armbar. I’m just asking how can you grapple with glasses on???

But what is mixed martial arts anyway? Guess we better let the Phoenix Sensei school us on the basics…

Way to play overly redundant word salad. Let’s try: “The question comes about, about what exactly is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Well, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a pair of spreads from different jars that are combined into one specific sandwich to make it what it is. What i mean by that…”

Damn it Phoenix Sensei Grand Master John Legrand! STOP TALKING!

Ok, this next video from Urban Martial Arts is not as bad, but it’s still pretty terrible. I just have a heart attack when I see people do techniques wrong and no one stops to correct them. I mean, I know I have terrible takedowns, but I feel like even I could teach a better single leg.

More on the rear naked choke – I know this guy has a big neck, but this is crap.

Back to Lost Legacy, where it’s all about the mixed martial arts for children… and painfully constructed explanations of why “it’s the best thing any parent could ever do.”

Talking about children, this is where I learned my leg locks if anyone asks:

Oh, and this is what I wrote down in my training notebook:

Armbar: 1. Wrap your legs 2. Twist it 3. Pull as hard as you can 4. Wait for them tap (Source: “champion wrestler”)

Or, we have the following variation:

So ya. Attention all parents who let their kids watch MMA: Get them in a BJJ program immediately.